Pizza Deliverance

Pizza Deliverance

Release Date: 1999 - Soul Dump Records
Re-released by New West Records on January 25, 2005
LYRICS    COMMENTARY   CREDITS

TRACK LISTING

1. Bulldozers and Dirt
2. Nine Bullets
3. Uncle Frank
4.Too Much Sex (Too Little Jesus)
5. Box of Spiders
6. One of These Days
7. Margo and Harold
8. The Company I Keep
9. The President's Penis Is Missing
10. Tales Facing Up
11. Love Like This
12. Mrs. Dubose
13. Zoloft
14. The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town

LYRICS

Bulldozers and Dirt

I met your mama when I was sixteen
You couldn't have been anymore than three
She caught me stealing y'all's color TV
She called the cops and they arrested me

She was the wildest thing I'd ever seen
the way she pointed that shotgun at me
the police hauled my ass off to jail
Your mama signed the trailer to help make the bail

She picked me up and drove me home
said "I'll learn you not to roam"
Green green grass under my feet
but all I can think about's the dirt underneath

Bulldozers and dirt Bulldozers and dirt
behind the trailer, my desert
Them red clay piles are heaven on earth
I get my rocks off, bulldozers and dirt

I got a pickup that's up on blocks
and I'm up to my ass in debt and hock
and I can't get the red stains off of my socks
and I can't get you off of my mind

I've lived with your mama for eleven years
Through good times, and bad times, fist fights and tears
but something comes over me when you come near
so won't you come over and sip on this beer

Bulldozers and dirt Bulldozers and dirt
behind the trailer, my desert
I don't mean no harm, I just like to flirt
but most of all I like bulldozers and dirt

most of all I like bulldozers and dirt

Lyrics by Patterson Hood
Music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff, and Sell)
©1997 Soul Dump Music
Written while walking my dog (Aretha), Spring 1996

Nine Bullets

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it
Nine bullets in my roommate's gun
My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it
Gonna find a use for every last one

One for the love who chose to betray me, a real fine love who wouldn't be true
One for the man that she betrayed with, a nice enough fella, she'll betray him too
A nice enough fella, she'll betray him too

One for my boss man, riding my butt again, sorry sir, but you'd better clock out
One for the lady down at the laundrymat, who goes through my dryer pulling one sock out
She goes through my dryer pulling one sock out

One just to put me out of my misery
I better aim that sucker true
I'll leave a note that says I'm sorry but I went off the deep end when I fell for you
I went off the deep end when I fell for you

One each for my immediate family, they'll be so disappointed to see what I done
One left over, I'll save it for my roommate
After all it's my roommate's gun
After all it's my roommate's gun

My roommate's gun got nine bullets in it Nine bullets in my roommate's gun
Roommate's gun got nine bullets in it
Gonna find a use for every last one Gonna find a use for every last one
Gonna find a use for every last one

Lyrics by Patterson Hood
Music by Drive-by Truckers ©1997 Soul Dump Music
Originally written on stage in Opelika, AL. P. Hood and M. Cooley 3/13/92

Uncle Frank

They powered up the city with hydro-electric juice.
Now we got more electricity than we canever use.
They flooded out the hollow and all the folks down there moved out,
but they got paid so there ain't nothin' else to think about.

Some of them made their living cutting the timber down,
snaking it one log at a time up the hill and into town.
T.V.A. had a way to clear it off real fast.
Lots of men and machinary, build a dam and drown the rest.

Uncle Frank lived in a cabin down on Cedar Creek,
bought fifteen acres when he got back home from overseas.
Fifteen rocky acres, figured noone else would want,
'till all that backed up water had to have some place to go.

Uncle Frank couldn't read or write
Never held down a job, or needed one in his life.
They assured him there'd be work for him in town building cars.
It's already going down.

The cars never came to town and the roads never got built
and the price of all that power kept on going straight uphill
The banks around the hollow sold for lake-front property
where Doctors, Lawyers, and Musicians teach their kids to waterski.

Uncle Frank couldn't read or write
so there was no note or letter found when he died.
Just a rope around his neck and the kitchen table turned on its side

lyrics by Mike Cooley / music by Drive-by Truckers

Too Much Sex (Too Little Jesus)

Stacy was a troubled teen ever since she was twelve.
She felt the world close in on her and thought she needed help.
Listening to the radio on a Sunday night.
She heard the preacher calling out to call up on his Help-line.
He sounded so nice, he sounded so inviting,
and for a small donation she could have the Lord Almighty.
She told him her story. He told her his thoughts.
He said "You better get yourself right in the eyes of God.
Too much sex, too little Jesus."

"Stop that dope smokin!
Stop that masturbation!
Take the Lord into your heart and stop that fornication.
We're building us an army, gonna knock out Satan.
Visa or Mastercard, our operator's waiting.
Too much sex, too little Jesus."

"Satan's made a slave of you,
the Lord will set you free!
You don't know God from didley
and you're old enough to breed.
The sins of me and you are the reason he did bleed.
Now a word from our sponsor, then another troubled teen
with too much sex, too little Jesus."

Lyrics by Patterson Hood/Music by The Drive-By Truckers

Box of Spiders

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders.
She says they're on me when I sleep.
Waiting in the out-house for me.
underneath the seat.

My great-grandmothers bout ninety-seven
and she is sure when she gets to heaven,
old St. Peter's gonna throw his arms around her and say
"I've waited so long for us to meet."
She put the General in a box
and buried him behind the Stoney Point Church of Christ,
when I was three.

(and she says) "When the lord comes to take me,
I'll die with a smile on, cause He's taking all my pains and fears."
She said The Generals last words were
"It's hotter than hell in here."

Gran Gran keeps a box of spiders,
or so she told me as a child,
and I would hold it in for hours.
Too mean to die. Too mean to die. Too mean.

(for Gran Gran)

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers
©1998 Soul Dump Music

One of These Days

If I had a dime for every time
I heard my old man say one of these days
I wouldn't be like my old man today
talking bout places that he'd been
back in his younger days
that he was gonna go back to again one of these days

Dropped out of school when he was just sixteen
fell right in to a tire plant
building the very things that make the asphalt sing
and put Alabama far behind you

I remember him saying that Chicago was a hell right here on earth
and twenty five years later I was saying the same thing about Memphis

It's no wonder everybody's scared of downtown Birmingham
it's just a little too close to home
But there's more crooks down here and the cops don't care,
and old white men wearing ties can do anything they want.

Once a country boy's seen
the way the steam rises off a man's insides on the sidewalk.
Tends to change the way he thinks, the way he sees everything
and he goes back to where he came from.

One of these days when my face looks like a roadmap gonna find my way back home.
And I'll go walking on the west side after dark and leave my gun locked in my car.
One of these days you'll take one look at me and run.
One of these days you'll take one look at me and run.

lyrics by Mike Cooley / music by Drive-by Truckers

Margo and Harold

I don't want to go to dinner with Margo and Harold.
I don't like the way he looks at you, and the way she looks at me,
way they look at each other, like we're just part of some private joke.

I don't want to go dinner with Margo and Harold,
no matter how good the food.
I don't want to make small talk, innuendo,
or go for a ride in Harold's Corvette.

I'm scared of the basement of Harold's Pawn Shop,
I've heard tales of what goes down there.
Mid-life crises, high on Dilauded, Valium, and crystal meth.
Harold and Margo, feeling no pain
Fifty and crazy, big hair and cocaine.

If they call on the phone, tell them I'm not home.
That night with Margo was a long time ago.
It makes me nervous how much Harold knows,
and the way that he looks at you.

I don't want to see why Harold's now skinny.
I don't want to see Margo's bikini.
So if they call, tell them You ain't seen me or that I'm in too much pain.
Harold and Margo, taking aim, horny and loaded, big-hair and cocaine.

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music

Company I Keep

My Mama told me, your life is such a wreck
You're dumber than dogshit is what my Daddy said
I was just thirteen when they showed me the door
I keep their picture but don't look at it no more

My first wife told me, you need to get a life
My third wife told me to get another wife
I brought a bottle and the van's parked outside the door
So come on out with me, if you want to be number four

Sometimes I feel like shit
Sometimes that ain't half of it
Sometimes I'm so high I'm scared to go to sleep
Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep

Ain't held down a job since 1984
I get by holding up convenience stores
I get by on liquor, guns, and luck
But I'm scared to death which one might run out first

Sometimes I feel like shit
Sometimes that ain't half of it
Sometimes I'm so high I'm scared to go to sleep
Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep

I see my past in everything that I despise
I see my future and I'm scared to close my eyes
Is that my ghost that I see in my fears
Or just my reflection in my Mama's tears

Sometimes I feel like shit
Sometimes that ain't half of it
Sometimes I'm so high I'm scared to go to sleep
Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep
Sometimes I'm lower than the company I keep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music

The President's Penis is Missing

(NEWS FLASH!!!)
(scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:)

"They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President's penis?"

"It ain't in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain't in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President's penis?"

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:)
"Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80's we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldn't explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson's name"

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:)
";Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn't no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn't care
and John Kennedy's penis was SEEN EVERYWHERE!

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
"Them outer space people would laugh if they'd seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but we're more concerned with the President's penis"

THE END?

lyrics by Patterson Hood (c) 1998 Soul Dump Music

Tales Facing Up

Me and my brother's old lady went out and got stinking.
She solved her curiosities about me by the railroad tracks.
She said I reminded her of him before he started drinking
and banging the babysitter every time she turned her back.

We opened up the sunroof and smoked a big ole joint
and drank a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon listening to the crickets and trains.
Every so often she'd lapse into narcotic rambling.
Moon and mascara. I've always been a holy terror.
Temptations lurking every where. If your mind's in the gutter, Beware
You'll find me there.

Me and a friend were talking after the funeral.
She said it should have been me but I'm still around
and I been so wild,I'm surprised I made it to the seventh grade
and all my dead friends have settled down.
My eyes were puffy and she asked if I'd been crying.
I said 'tears are for pussies' but who was I kidding.
So we stopped at the bar and drank them dry
Beer and tequila
I've always been a thrill seeker,
But thrills are a dime a dozen these days.
And I found a dime in the gutter today.
Tails facing up. Still fucking up. Still fucking up.

A funny thing happened on my way to a strange way of thinking.

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music

Love Like This

Coming home with a bottle, trying not to break the seal.
This Friday evening traffic's about enough to break a man's will.
And I can't wait to see you and see how your week has gone,
And tear into Old No.7 and make love till dawn.

But your Mama she'll be calling, if she ain't knocking on the door.
And it won't take me long to remember what I brought that bottle home for.
And we'll all get to fighting, just like we always do.
And by Saturday morning, I'll be singing these blues.

Last night I slept with my boots on again,
One cut on my forehead and one my chin,
On the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.
You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,
You pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.
And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this.

Come Monday morning, I'll be sore to a fare-thee-well.
Cussin' God and America, wishing them both just to send me off to hell.
But the boss man don't want no excuses when it comes time to get on the clock.
And without that paycheck, I'd lose the rest of what sweet love I got.

Last night I slept with my boots on again,
One cut on my forehead and one my chin,
On the hard old floor with nothin to cover up with.
You got me real good, girl, and I must admit,
You pack purty mean punch for such a pretty little dish.
And it's a shame to know most folks don't ever know love like this.

lyrics by Mike Cooley
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)

Mrs. Dubose

Jupiter mules kickin' out all the stops
Newfangled dogs danglin' stars from her eyelids
She can't read between the lies anymore
Lord, help her rise just one more time if you can.
Still, the children read to her
till she opens up her hands

When my body dies will you remember my name?
When my body dies will you remember my name?

Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower
now you're all dead inside withered and insane
Oh, Mrs. Dubose you were such a flower, you got the death,
the dust, and the opium runnin' through your veins
Black maid stays cause she's paid to be around
Condemned and scared for all she knows

You better look at the road when you pass
she gonna fix you with that evil eye
unless your holdin' your old man's hand
you better pass on by better pass on by

lyrics by Rob Malone / music by Drive-by Truckers

Zoloft

All my family problems disappeared overnight
We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine
My sister's teen angst just flew out the window
Mama's so happy she laughs all the time

Used to be in trouble gettin' along with each other
Mama hated daddy, I hated little brother
Then the family doctor gave us all these little pills
Now I can't believe how great we all feel

All my family problems disappeared overnight
We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine
My sister's teen angst just flew out the window
Mama's so happy she laughs all the time
The birds in the trees all sing happy songs
Everyone is smiling, we're so glad to be alive
Even my ol' pitbull don't growl anymore
He just watches that ol' tail wag from side to side

All my family problems disappeared overnight
We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine
My sister's teen angst just flew out the window
Mama's so happy she laughs all the time

And I used to be so unhappy doin' songs about killing
Taking methadone and jacking off four or five times a day
Now I'm so happy
I'm so goddamn happy
Who needs an orgasm when life's so fucking great?

All my family problems disappeared overnight
We're all taking Zoloft and everything is fine
My sister's teen angst just flew out the window
Mama's so happy she cries all the time
Mama's so happy she cries all the time
Mama's so happy she cries all the time

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music

The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town

We were bored, there was nothing going on.
Might as well stay at home and drink until we pass out again.
Then drink some more when the morning comes.

Memphis was sinking into the Mississippi.
We were doing our best just to ride it down.
Till the night G.G. Allin came to town.

"Honey, I don't believe this,"
The old man at Ferguson's Cafe kept saying to his wife.
As he read aloud The Memphis Star and their account of what went down that night
"It says He took a shit on the stage and started throwing it into the crowd.
But He was gone before the cops could come and shut him down."
Gone before the shit came down.

The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.
The Night G.C. Allin Came to Town.
Antenna Club, Memphis, 1991.
Punk Rockers Paid $12.00 to be Shit On!
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town

"It says He took the microphone and shoved it up his ass!"
The old man and his wife were aghast
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.
The Night G.G. Allin Came to Town.

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music

COMMENTARY

I'll always have an extra soft spot for this one. We recorded it in my living room on Jefferson Rd. n Athens GA in five days in mid-January 1999. You can hear my dogs fighting over which one gets to eat the other's puke in the background of Mrs. Dubose. (True story).
On that Sunday afternoon we invited a bunch of friends over and got plowed and recorded takes of Nine Bullets, The Company I Keep and a drunken, unplanned The President's Penis is Missing, which we ended up laughing so hard at we put it on the album only to see most early reviews concentrate on how terrible it was. That's alright, I still think it was the right call nearly ten years later.
Cooley came into his own with Uncle Frank, One Of These Days and Love Like This. PD captures an earlier incarnation of this band at a turning point and I'll always love this one.
The Night GG Allin Came To Town was written as a birthday present to Cooley at a time when we weren't speaking.
- Patterson Hood

CREDITS

Coming Soon.